Regular Car Reviews, Ranked

"willkinton247" (willkinton247)
05/19/2014 at 09:38 • Filed to: Rankings, Come At Me Bro

I watched them all to rank them, so you don't have to. But you should. You just don't have to rank them. Or you could. It's on you.

1990 Chevy Suburban

1995 Mazda Miata

2007 Porsche Cayman

1994 Lincoln Town Car

2007 Honda Accord

1986 Pontiac Fiero GT

1979 Corvette C3

2002 Toyota Echo

The Auto Show Trilogy

1991 Nissan Stanza

1997 Dodge Ram 1500

2008 Chevrolet Corvette C6

2006 Mazda RX-8

2001 Honda Odyssey

1999 Jeep Cherokee XJ

1993 Volvo 240

1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee

2005 Lotus Elise

1986 Toyota MR2 AW11

2012 Mini Countryman Cooper S

1998 Volkswagen Jetta Wolfsburg Edition

2010 Nissan 370Z

2008 Scion Xb

2013 Ford Mustang V6

2003 Honda S2000

1981 DeLorean DMC-12

1998 Subaru Legacy Outback

2003 Subaru Impreza WRX

2013 Hyundai Veloster Turbo

1995 BMW M3 E36

2000 Saturn L-Series

2005 BMW 330Ci

2004 Volvo S60R

2013 Audi S4

1988 Chrysler New Yorker

2005 Subaru Outback

1992 Chevrolet Caprice

1998 BMW 740i

2013 Fiat 500c Abarth

Yard Man

Suzuki GS500e

2013 Scion FRS and Subaru BRZ

2008 Dodge Avenger

2002 Mercury Sable

2003 Toyota Tacoma

2007 Suzuki Bandit 1250

2002 Toyota Rav 4

2014 Mazda 6

1994 Dodge Caravan

VW Citi Golf

What is Regular Cars?

DISCUSSION (23)

yamahog > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 09:41

I'm not biased, but:

1999 Jeep Cherokee XJ

Everything else

Brian Silvestro > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 09:47

Why isn't the Miata review #1?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 10:03

My favorite would have to be the Avenger because of the ridiculously quotable tangents he goes on.

"The downward slope of the roof is not unlike the trajectory of my MARRIAGE. AND CAREER. UUUUNNNNHHGHGHGGG MY WIFE ONLY LOVES ME WHEN I CUM BLOOD . WHAT DO THESE PILLS DO? WHAT DO THESE PILLS DO?! "

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 10:04

Really? The fiero review that high up? I mean, I give them credit for trying something different but it was a bit too different and never went anywhere. And the bike reviews easily have the best openings "Today we have a 2007....NNNNNNNGGGGHHHHHH NNNNNOT A ACAAAAARRRRRRRR!"

And come on, really? Sable isn't top 5? It had some of the best lines of the series. "HEY! IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T BRGRGRGBRGRBGR MARSHALL TUCKER BAND!" or "Pushrods are for airport shuttle buses.......and my whitewashed ice cream van....Filled with Mondo and 99 bananas and GORILLA TAPE!".

Suburban is definitely #1 though.

willkinton247 > Brian Silvestro
05/19/2014 at 10:04

Because the Suburban one is actually the best.

willkinton247 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2014 at 10:05

Honestly, it was a hard list to make. There were so many good ones.

PushToStart > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2014 at 10:05

the Avenger one is fucking fantastic, that's one of my all time favorites.

willkinton247 > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
05/19/2014 at 10:08

I LOVED the Fiero review. I was thoroughly entertained.

But seriously, the Suburban one is just start to finish the best one out there.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Brian Silvestro
05/19/2014 at 10:11

when I realized it had looped I listened one more time, then I lost it. lol

Brian Silvestro > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 10:12

You're actually wrong.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
05/19/2014 at 10:16

The Dodge Avenger: the car for peopele... who have pretty much had it with with cars.

willkinton247 > Brian Silvestro
05/19/2014 at 10:17

ASCEND THE GRILL AND PAY TRIBUTE

Brian Silvestro > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 10:20

SO BRITISH

Drape me in a Macintosh and tell me about the BOER WAR

SHEMALE PORN ADDICTION

unns

MELON BALLER UP MY ASS

DICKS AND TITTIES AND DICKS AND TITTIES DICKS AND TITTIES AND DICKS AND TITTIES AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND JERRY WARLOP. DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND NIXON NIXON NIXON NIXON.

What am I forgetting?

Oh yeah! HEADLIGHTS GO UUUUUU-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH THERE WE GO

THIS IS MY S2000. THIS IS MY RED XIII SUIT WITH THE DICK HOLE.

YOU'RE NOW PICTURING HIM EATING PUSSY.

HE'S EATING PUSSY.

UUUUUUUHHHHHHH.

BIG 1970S BUSH.

JINGLE BELLS.

ALL VOLVOS REMIND ME OF THAT TIME I WAS AT WENDY'S AND I WAS EATING AT THE SUPERBAR AND I SAW THIS POST MENOPAUSAL LADY, SHE GOT ON TOP OF THE SUPERBAR AND JUST DROPPED THE PANTS AND STARTED QUEEFING ON EVERYTHING. SHE WAS QUEEFING ON ALL THE GARBANZO BEANS. AND THEN SHE GOT A TURKEY BASTER AND JUST FILLED UP HER SNATCH WITH SOME OL POOL WATER, AND THEN JUST QUEEFED AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAINAGAINAGAIN.

Why? BECAUSE VOLVO.

THIS IS MY S2000. IT BELONGS TO ME. NOT YOU. IT'S MINE.

MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE

Lets sit arm in arm on your sofa, slow jerking it to VHS tapes of Desmond Morris, WITH THE SOUND MUTED

In the back, I had a potato sack. The contents of which were CRYING. THROUGH MY MILARD FILMORE MASK I SAID "YOU PASSED THE TEST LIKE ALL THE REST".

Track day, bro. Yo track day, bro. You coming to the track day, bro? Let's go to the track day, bro. Five sets of tires, bro. Yokohama, bro. No, no Super Toyo. No no, Hoosiers. Hoosiers. Got some Hoosiers for the track day, bro. You coming, bro? CONES! Gonna tear it up. Left braking, bro. Bro, let's...let's kiss.

YOU DRIVE A MIATA BECAUSE YOU WANT THE BEST AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST. ONLY THE BEST WILL DO. YOU ROOT FOR THE YANKEES, YOU LOVE THE BOYS. #1. YOU GET SAM ADAMS. THATS THE BEST BEER. YOU PUT ON DARKSIDE AT EVERY PARTY. WHO'S GONNA COMPLAIN ABOUT FLOYD

YOU MAKE POSTS COMMEMORATING FIREMEN, I MEAN WHO'D DARE DOWN VOTE THAT? BABY PHOTOS! BABY PHOTOS! LOTS OF BABY PHOTOS! MY HEART GOES OUT TO THE VICTIMS OF RRHRGRGHRGHRHGRHRGHRGRRGHGHRHGGHGHGH! THE BEST!

THIS IS BETTER THAN MY DOUBLE D MOTORBOAT WITH THAT GIRL WHO LIKED TO CUT HERSELF.

TOO DARK.

"It's like making out with a high school girlfriend and going for second base, only to suddenly realize — she isn't stopping you this time. Why isn't she stopping me? She always stops me."

Maybe it's her sudden inexplicable fondness for my FULLY ENGORGED BLOOD FILLED SIN SWORD!

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU CHANGED YOUR OIL? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, AND NEITHER DOES MY RAV4. THE RAV4 IS A SMALL SUV THAT ISN'T TRYING TO SUCK YOUR DICK.

I WORK HARD I PLAY HARD DOWN IN OCEAN CITY MARYLAND. YOU WANNA SEE A TRICK? JERRY AT THE PFFICE LOVES THIS ONE. WATCH. OH YOU GOT ONE THING THEN YOU GOT ANOTHER THING THEN YOU GOT ONE THING THEN YOU GOT ANOTHER THING THEN YOU GOT ONE THING THEN YOU GOT ANOTHER THING THEN YOU GOT ONE THING THEN YOU GOT ANOTHER THING

I have to fart. Here it is.

Ppfffbbttttt.

The i stands for INVESTMENTS

willkinton247 > Brian Silvestro
05/19/2014 at 10:53

That is a fitting tribute. YOU PASSED THE TEST LIKE ALL THE REST.

Johnny Utah > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 19:27

YESSS!!!!! I loved the Suburban review. I think it was the only one I actually posted on my Facebook because I thought my friends would be better educated, having witnessed its majesty. I don't think I have seen it since January or February, but I'm gonna watch it for nostalgia sake (by 2014 standards).

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > Brian Silvestro
05/19/2014 at 19:31

*Fix it a bit. That's the best quote of RCR so far :D

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 19:34

S60R should be on top 10..

Hey! Volvo S60R. It's not a BMW and it's never be.

No, Never, NEVER, NEVER!!!

jkm7680 > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 19:49

I've got a fucked up sense of humor.

1. Suzuki Gw250

2. Volvo S60R

3. Toyota Tacoma

4. Toyota Rav 4

5. Dodge Avenger

Raphael Orlove > Brian Silvestro
05/19/2014 at 20:28

AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR GRINDR, MY WIFE WOULD STILL BE

Kenny Baese > willkinton247
05/19/2014 at 21:17

I personally would have put the S2000 and RX-8 reviews higher, but that's mostly because I have a good friend who LOOOOVES rotaries, and another who regards his S2000 as the second coming of Christ. Makes both of them way funnier to me, but that probably doesn't translate to everyone else.

TheLOUDMUSIC- Put it in H! > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
05/19/2014 at 22:11

TRACK DAY NO.

3-5RL > willkinton247
05/21/2014 at 00:22

Now I wouldn't put it at first, but I would say the Volvo S60r review should definitely be higher than 33rd place...

willkinton247 > 3-5RL
05/21/2014 at 08:23

You know, this list was actually really hard.